Hell Toupee
by cdghuntermco
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple prank, aimed at Weiss for ruining their Halloween fun. But when hair dye lands on the wrong target, Ruby and her friends unwittingly unleash a terrifying beast, and it's hungry for revenge. The seven teens must now run for their lives, and The Monster is on the hunt... (Warning: Crackfic)


**Hell Toupee**

* * *

"I still think this is bad idea…"

"Oh stop worrying so much, Jauney!" his short, ginger haired team mate rebuked. She was too busy giggling as she watched Ruby stir up their potion of mayhem in its pot, the concoction turning into a thick black substance. Jaune looked to Ren for help, but he only shrugged with a 'what can you do' look on his face.

There was no hope of stopping Nora on night like tonight, as it was none other than All Hollow's Eve, otherwise known as Halloween. It was a holiday in Vale where on the 31st of October the entire country embraced its spookier natures and paid homage to the cultural icons of horror. Overall the night was spent with children going door to door asking for treats, and the more adult sized children partying as hard as they possibly could. It was perhaps one of the most enjoyable days of the year with fun for all ages.

So the problem? While quite literally almost everyone else in Beacon was out in the city enjoying their night, Weiss had harangued her team and JNPR to stay behind for a short time while she dealt with cross-continent call to her father. The even worse problem? The last airship set to take them away from Beacon suffered a malfunction, and the next wouldn't arrive until well after most of the festivities suitable for people their age would be done with.

Weiss was not popular after they all realized their night was ruined. She had of course brushed off their collective glares and made up excuses about Halloween being 'dumb' and 'beneath people such as her.' It made Jaune wonder why he'd held a crush for the girl for so long.

Naturally Nora was the worse to take the news, always the one least appreciative of being told 'no' when she thought of something fun to do. So while Weiss went back to her dorm room to study, Nora corralled the rest of the jilted Hunters in order to come up with a plan for payback.

Thus why the six of them found themselves in the school kitchen, where Ruby brewed her potion of evil. She, Nora and Pyrrha had been the most upset at having their plans ruined and thus were the ones most enthusiastic about their revenge. Blake was always game for pulling a fast one on a Schnee and had her Scroll in hand, ready to record at a moment's notice. As per usual Jaune and Ren were the most reticent about the plan but were dragged along anyway if only to make sure things didn't get out of control.

The only one not present was Yang actually. She'd gone to vent her frustration by working out in the gym and Ruby hadn't made the effort to contact her about their revenge against Weiss.

"I'm surprised you didn't want Yang to get in on this," Jaune voiced his thoughts to Ruby. "She's normally the one most ready to pull pranks on the rest of us." While he spoke Jaune hovered by the main door, keeping it cracked open while on the lookout for Weiss.

"Eh, not for something like this," Ruby answered, still stirring the pot. "Yang loves pranks, but she has a firm line about hair. If she were here she'd just try to make us do something more complicated."

"I'm not sure I'd disagree with Yang if she were here," Ren said. He stood off to the side, mostly acting as the moderator. "Surely Weiss will be incredibly incensed once we've dowsed her hair with black dye."

"That's why we're cutting it with other stuff from the pantry!" Nora explained without a single care. "That way it'll wash out easily after we're done laughing!"

Blake grunted in affirmation, her mouth full of tuna. Without much to do she'd decided to bide her time helping herself to the kitchen's supplies of seafood. Pyrrha had tried suggesting she might consider not overdoing and Blake all but hissed at her.

_That Faunus has a serious problem,_ Jaune thought to himself. Just then he could make out the telltale clacking of heels on linoleum and peeked out to see Weiss round the corner of the hallway outside.

Not wanting to be seen Jaune quickly pulled back and eased the door shut, hissing to the others their target was incoming and everyone quietly but quickly leapt to action. Ruby had been able to lure Weiss under the pretense that if she brought a bunch of snacks to them in the common room, all would be forgiven. Jaune still felt bad about what was about to befall Weiss. Just a little, anyway. He'd been looking forward to seeing all the different scanty costumes girls in the city would be wearing.

Jaune backed up to give the others room, standing next to Ren. Ruby removed the wooden spoon she'd been using to stir and handed the pot off to Pyrrha, who in turn used her magnetic abilities to levitate the metal pot to the space above the door. Blake wiped tuna away from her mouth and brought up her Scroll, hitting the record button and waiting. Finally Nora took center stage, eagerly awaiting to be the first to point and yell, "That's what you get!"

For a moment they all waited in tense silence as the clacking of heels drew closer, bodies tense and breathing baited.

But then Jaune heard something strange. It was the sound of a voice, muffled beyond recognition through the door. He turned to Ren, who only mirrored Jaune's look of confusion. Why would Weiss be talking to herself?

But then there was a new sound, a new voice, deeper in pitch, and Jaune could just barely hear it say, "Well maybe that's why you're so short!"

A squawk of indignation followed, and Jaune's eyes widened as he realized what was about to happen.

His feet sprang into action before his mind truly caught up. "Guys wai-!"

The next second a mass of blonde hair slammed through the door, its owner's face turned backward and laughing with blissful ignorance at her own joke. Beyond her Jaune could see Weiss, arms outstretched after having pushed the blonde woman in retaliation for her mocking remark.

Despite knowing what was about to happen next, Jaune had no hope of stopping it. The door slamming open caught Pyrrha off guard, and while she retained enough control over her powers to ensure the metal pot wouldn't hit the woman on the head, she couldn't stop the rim from tipping over and spilling its dark contents.

All they could do was watch in abject terror as the black liquid rained down, utterly powerless to stop it. The blonde woman only had enough time to turn and see them all, her lilac eyes creasing with confusion.

Then the black dye splattered over Yang's blond hair completely.

The pot clattered to the floor, Pyrrha too stunned to maintain keeping it in the air. Afterward only silence followed and all eight teenagers stood stone still, Jaune himself stuck mid action pose with his arms out like he would catch the pot before it could do any damage. But it did its work, and while Yang stood there it only seeped even more into her hair and turned it jet black. Even her ahoge hadn't been spared, the lock wilted downward along with some more of Yang's hair, hanging over her eyes.

And as he stood there, one thing made itself patently clear in Jaune's mind:

From how Nora stood in the center of the kitchen, finger still pointed halfheartedly at the door and clearly declaring herself as the mastermind behind the prank.

From how Ruby still had the spoon dripping with black liquid in her hands.

From how Blake had her Scroll out recording the whole thing.

From how Pyrrha had been the one to hold up the pot.

From how Jaune had tried to stop it from happening but still failed.

From how Weiss had been the one to push Yang through the door.

From how Ren, always the advocate of moderation and being careful, was just standing there and did nothing to stop this.

They were all guilty.

Ruby must have realized this as well, because she didn't waste a second teleporting out the backdoor in a flurry of rose petals.

"H-hey, Yang," greeted Blake, trembling in both body and voice. With overly careful movements she put her Scroll away and said, "We thought you'd still be at the gym for a while."

Yang said nothing. Any emotions or reactions she was having were masked by the mass of black hair over her face.

"So, uh, funny joke right?" Nora asked. "We were actually trying to get Weiss, y'know, for ruining our Halloween. We totally weren't trying to get you. It was just… bad luck."

Still no response from Yang. Although Jaune thought he could start see a red glowing from beneath the hair, but surely that was his imagination running wild, right?

"Look, Yang, we're really sorry," he told her after standing straight again. He looked to the others, who all nodded eagerly to show they meant it. "We messed up, we admit that. If there's anything we can do to make it up to you, just say the word. Okay?"

Yang made a sound. It was much less a 'word' and more an animalistic growl.

"I'm sure we'll still look back on this and laugh anyway," Nora said with a shrug. She turned back to the rest of the pranksters and said, "So guys, what say we help Yang clean her hair?"

Yang responded by grabbing the back of Nora's head and slamming it into the metal kitchen table.

Chunks of red and green flew in all directions, splattering them all with viscera. Jaune felt a pink glob land on his face, and Ren got a particularly large piece sprayed over his chest. Weiss' pristine white dress needed only a few bits of gore to be turned into a mess of red and offal.

The heiress letting out a high pitched scream cued them all to start running.

Ren proved chivalry was in fact well and truly dead, shoving Blake to ground in order to leap for the back door and sprint through it. Weiss backpedaled the way she came, her screams echoing through the halls.

Jaune was rooted to the ground with fear, as he couldn't tear his eyes away from those of the black haired monster in front of him, their red light brimming with hatred. Thankfully by some miracle he managed to keep control over his bladder.

That control was tested when he helplessly watched the monster jump up onto the table and reach a hand toward him. But he was pulled from the back instead, the monsters claws snatching at the air he'd occupied a moment ago. Jaune had just enough time to see Blake dive through the open section under the table and scramble away through the door Yang and Weiss had come in by.

The next thing he knew Jaune was being dragged through the halls of Beacon, harsh panting sounded over his shoulder.

"Jaune, snap out of it!" he heard Pyrrha yell at him.

"Wuh?!" he replied, shaking himself and falling out of Pyrrha's grasp. They only paused for a second however, and Jaune wasted no time picking himself up and running after his partner. Neither knew where they were going, they just both knew they had to get away from that _thing._

Behind them Jaune could hear a great, terrible roar sound through the entire school, shaking the very foundation to its core. He was too scared to look back and see exactly how far away the source of that scream was. Instead he, like all the others, simply ran further into the dark hallways.

The hunt was on.

* * *

_Have to run have to run have to run!_

It was the only thing flashing through Weiss' mind as she put as much distance as she could between herself and the thing that used to be her team member. She hadn't even had the presence to go find Myrtenaster before sprinting out of the school and into the Emerald Forest. The place could be crawling with Grimm and Weiss would still place them at several degrees less dangerous the monster in her school!

The broken moon shone white light down through the tree tops, illuminating Weiss as she ducked underneath a low hanging branch. In between her bouts of breathless panting she cursed her friends and their stupid pranks, trying to mar her pristine hair. And just for some childish holiday? The nerve of it all!

After carefully stepping over a fallen log filled with knots, Weiss paused and glanced around. As far as she could tell there wasn't anything else around, monsters or otherwise. But the creeping dread would not leave her, and she could not shake the feeling of something watching her.

_Hoo!_

The sound drew her sight upward, seeing the glowing eyes of an owl staring back at Weiss. Maybe that was what she was feeling, the stares of animals confused as to why a girl was tramping through their forest? That would make sense, and it spoke much better to Weiss' continued longevity.

Forging ahead, Weiss saw her path was impeded by a thicket of bushes. Not thick enough to halt her progress but it would force her to a crawl while she squeezed through. Normally Weiss would look for an easier direction, but she had no idea if the monster was still pursuing her, and at the forefront of her mind was still the desire to get as far away as possible.

So instead she took a deep breath and stepped in, going sideways to try and reduce the amount of resistance she'd receive. Branches and twigs snagged at her like tiny grasping claws, some snapping altogether as she forced her way through. Getting through to the other side barely took half a minute, and as she emerged into the clearing Weiss felt better knowing there was another barrier standing between her and certain doom-

Only to walk straight into a black haired monster with glowing red eyes.

Weiss screamed, a talent she recently discovered she was quite good at, and backpedaled quickly. The monster closed in on her, and Weiss nearly tripped whirling around but managed to catch herself on a low hanging branch. From there she ran once more, pumping as much energy as she had into her legs to carrying her farther away.

Behind her Weiss could hear the monster tramping over leaves and twigs as it pursued her at a slower pace. Weiss was too busy hopping over a fallen log to ask why the monster didn't chase her with such haste. Any answers she might have had would have only come out as screams.

She let out another such scream when a piercing _Hoo!_ sounded above her, and Weiss veered off her course. She saw she was going to run straight into a thicket of bushes, but Weiss could still hear the monster behind and knew she had no better option. She all but crashed into the bushes, plowing through with all the subtly of Ruby on a sugar high and not pausing to care about how twigs and branches tore at her dress and dug at her skin.

Weiss burst through the other side without a moment to spare. Maybe that would slow down the monster some-

Or maybe it could be standing right in front of her again.

Weiss screamed, turned, and ran, with the monster in hot pursuit it felt like. _How can it be so fast?!_ Weiss frantically thought to herself as she barely managed to duck under a low hanging branch.

She thought she could feel the monster's hot breath washing down her back, and she used her screams to fuel herself vaulting over a fallen log. In what was surely vain she hoped the monster might get one of its feet stuck in one of the log's many knot holes.

But she didn't wait to see if her hopes came true and instead continued sprinting. Overhead an owl let out a _Hoo!_ as it curiously watched the girl in white go past. With her eyes nearly blinded with tears Weiss didn't even realize she was running into a group of bushes until she was already in the thick of them. For a moment panic set in as she thought she might be trapped, but there was enough of a hole created between them that Weiss was able to push her way through.

Weiss didn't even stop after fighting her way out of the bushes, already knowing the monster would be there, its head full of demonic black hair cocked to the side. Instead Weiss sprinted past it, and she was going so fast she didn't even stop when her arms collided with a low hanging branch, snapping the thing from its tree trunk completely.

Her breathing was coming out erratically and her footing was becoming less steady. At this rate the monster would catch up at any moment. Maybe after stepping over this log she should turn back toward the school-

Oh no! One of her feet was caught in the knots of the log!

Weiss could do nothing as she was tripped up and fell forward, hitting the dewy grass with a heavy splat. Her foot popped free of the knot, just twisted enough to impede her, and with a groan Weiss rolled onto her back.

She looked up to find the monster standing over her, and in its hand was the broken tree branch. The beast raised it up like a weapon, and Weiss screamed.

* * *

Weiss wasn't screaming anymore. That was a bad sign, because it meant there were fewer targets for the monster now.

Silently creeping through the hallways of the dorms, Blake considered her options. Everyone scattered after Nora had somewhat ironically been turned into a pancake, and Blake felt it better to leave it that way. Larger groups would just draw more attention.

The bullhead docks were out since they were still under repair. Besides, it would probably be one of the first places the monster would think to look. Obviously her idea not to go into the forest had been a good one, as evidenced by Weiss' fate.

That left Blake with worryingly few options. Lay low until the night came to an end and others came to help? Risky, as she knew the monster was smarter and craftier than some mere Grimm. But the alternative was to rally her remaining friends and face the monster head on.

Hah, as if.

Blake crouched at a corner and peered around it. When she didn't see anything thirsty for blood she paused for a moment, slouching against the wall. Blake got a hold of either arm, trying to sooth the trembling in her limbs. Seeing Nora be flattened coupled with potentially being stalked around the school have left her nerves completely shot. At this rate the chattering of her teeth would alert the monster to her presence from miles away.

She needed to calm down. She needed… something to help calm her down.

Thus why she'd escaped back to her dorm building. Blake quickly crossed over to her door and keyed herself in, making sure it locked behind her. Then Blake dove for the small personal fridge they all shared and flung it open, shoving aside Ruby's sodas and Weiss' gourmet chocolates.

Blake had no need for sweets right now. Instead she fished out the cans hidden behind all the confectionaries, her one and only true treasure.

Grade A East Vacuan Tuna.

It made her mouth water just holding the can, and Blake wasted no time peeling the metal lid off. The delectable smell hit her immediately, and Blake took a long, deep inhale of the heady scent. With a sigh she leaned back against her bed, letting the magic scent do its work. Soon enough her vision blurred as pleasant thoughts clouded her mind.

Tuna was just the thing she needed to take the edge off, especially during times of great peril. Or during midterms. Or after stressful missions. Or when Blake got writer's block trying to write her fanfictions. Her team mates would always give her funny looks when she indulged in her vices but screw them. They just didn't appreciate aquatic cuisine like she did.

Blake didn't have a problem. She could put the tuna down whenever she wanted. Her friends merely struggled with understanding why someone _wouldn't_ put down a can of perfectly good tuna.

With lazy motions Blake scooped small handfuls of tuna into her mouth, savoring each bite and falling further into her bliss. After this she'd be calm and her head would be clear, and Blake could better come up with a plan of action.

But for now there was tuna, and nothing else mattered.

She must have been especially hungry given how hard the tuna was hitting her, Blake was even seeing things. Cartoon tuna fish dancing along the walls, the stars visible through their window spinning around in a circle, an angry looking girl with red eyes and pitch black hair, anthropomorphized versions of their weapons having tea ti-

Wait. One of those seemed more real than the others.

Before she knew what was happening Blake was being picked up by the scruff of her neck and hauled into the bathroom. The can of tuna was wrenched from her hands, and Blake could only cry out in anguish when her attacker emptied the can's contents into the toilet and hit the flush handle.

Then she was tossed to the ground. The monster disappeared for a moment and Blake should have taken the chance to escape, but the tuna in her system was still making her sluggish and muddling her thoughts. In no time at all the shadow of the monster returned, looming over Blake, and when the cat Faunus saw what it had in its hands she felt her chest contract.

It was a tool of pure cruelty, pointed at the tip and gleaming with unnatural reddish light. Finally her panic injected enough adrenaline into Blake and she tried to move, but it was too little too late. The monster shoved her back against the shower tub, kneeling down and keeping a hand on Blake's chest to pin her.

"No, no, please don't do this!" Blake sobbed. But she could only watch in horror as the monster raised its weapon high into the air.

And then the instrument of her doom came back down, stabbing into Blake again and again and again…

* * *

"Do you see anything?" Pyrrha asked her partner.

Jaune stood watch at the door of the janitor's closet they were hiding in. He shook his head slowly and eased the door shut, leaning back to join with Pyrrha in the almost uncomfortably cramped room. Pyrrha hoped Jaune attributed the heavy flush on her cheeks to the fact they'd been running for quite some time.

"No sign of the beast or any of our friends," Jaune informed her. He sighed and hung his head. "I should have tried to keep better control of the situation. This is all my fault."

"It's all our faults," Pyrrha assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I should have been a voice of reason as well, but… I've never had the chance to play pranks with friends before. I got swept up in the moment, same as you."

"I suppose you have a point," Jaune allowed, giving her a small smile that sent her heart fluttering. "For what it's worth, Pyrrha, if this really is our last night on Remnant, I'm really glad I got to meet you. I just regret not getting to show you more of what it's like to be normal."

Pyrrha returned his smile. "I still loved everything you did get to show me. I don't have any regrets spending my last few months with you, Jaune."

"Any actually regrets?" he asked.

"Hmm. I suppose not telling Pumpkin Pete's to shove it when they came to me for a sponsorship deal. I still have nightmares over how many children must have shoveled boxfuls of that sugar and cardboard mixture into their mouths because of me."

Jaune laughed at hearing Pyrrha talk in such a derogatory way for once in her life. "Yeah, I can admit I shouldn't have eaten as much of that stuff as I did. The Pumpkin Pete's hoodie really wasn't worth it in the end."

"Any other regrets?" Pyrrha asked him back, stifling a giggle behind her hand.

"Eh, I'm not super jazzed about dying a virgin, but what can you do, right?"

Pyrrha sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes went wide.

"We can fix that you know."

Jaune wasn't so oblivious to miss Pyrrha's implication, but still didn't take her seriously and laughed it off. "Hah, I appreciate the thought Pyrrha, but you don't have to-"

_RIIIIIIIIP!_

His mouth snapped shut, and Jaune turned back to her. Pyrrha only stared back, expression unflinching. Then Jaune looked down and saw Pyrrha's hands had taken a hold of both his Pumpkin Pete's hoodie and t-shirt and pulled, shredding the picture of the bunny mascot in two. It left a completely exposed view of his stomach and chest, toned and hard from all of the hours Pyrrha put him through training. It was a view she usually only stole glances of before, and now she had it on full display.

Jaune looked at his chest for a moment, then looked back up at Pyrrha, quiet for a minute as he processed what was happening. For her part Pyrrha could do nothing more than wait with baited breath as beads of sweat slipped down her brow.

"Oh," Jaune finally uttered. "Alright then."

The next second something warm collided with her lips and Pyrrha responded in kind. Jaune surged toward her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling Pyrrha close. Pyrrha moved her hands to his hair and angled his head back so she could all but force her tongue down his throat, and Jaune moaned in appreciation.

They paused just long enough to rip off the remaining tatters of Jaune's upper wear before he was back on her again. Pyrrha squeaked into his mouth when Jaune hooked his hands under thighs and fully picked her up. Her back collided with metal shelving and Aura flared but Pyrrha couldn't care less, too busy digging her nails into Jaune's shoulders to make sure she remained in his embrace.

Jaune's hands pried the hem of her skirt up her waist and she responded by looping her legs around his butt, giving him full access. Her first time was likely to also be her last time, and Pyrrha didn't want to waste a second of it.

The closet door slamming open put a stop to all that. Both Jaune and Pyrrha were startled into stillness, and they turned to see what had come to interrupt their special moment. It was all too easy to recognize the monster before them.

Its eyes flashed white with malice, and the pair of horny teens screamed as the shadow of the blonde monster descended upon them.

* * *

_Why on Remnant are all the lights out?_

It seemed like things could only get worse and worse for Ruby. First having her birthday/favorite holiday ruined, then being chased by a horrible hair based monster, no easy way to escape, and now she could barely even see her own feet as she tread carefully through the school hallways. It was like some higher power was toying with her for its own amusement.

No matter the reason, Ruby knew her best chance to survive the night was to never stop moving and never staying in a single place for too long. She knew first hand just how long the monster's temper could burn, and Ruby resigned herself to the fact she'd probably be up all night before the creature moving in her sister's skin would begin to tire.

Even then she could never let her guard down. Ruby knew when the monster was truly filled with rage, it did not thrash about and cause a ruckus. It was clever, methodical, and would employ any means it knew of to catch its prey. Ruby had no doubt in her mind most if not all of her friends were disposed of by now. It was cold of her, she knew, and Ruby wished she'd had the time to properly warn them. But she could only think of her desire to run, and fear could drive people to do irrational, sometimes awful things.

She still had the spoon in hand, held before her like a makeshift weapon. Ruby had immediately discounted the idea of swinging by their room to pick up Crescent Rose, as that likely would have been the first place the monster would check. It was safer to assume the monster knew every move you'd make before you thought of them. Then it stood to reason acting as spontaneously as possible was the best way to survive.

Just as she was about to round a corner, Ruby saw something else appear from around it first. In the darkened hallway all she could immediately make out was the dark head of hair.

"Stay back!" she screeched, lashing out with her spoon and managing to bonk the thing on its head.

"Ow!" a distinctly male voice cried as it reared back. "Ruby, stop, it's me!"

Ruby paused, and after a moment of letting her eyes adjust to the dark see saw it was actually a pair of light pink eyes staring back at her.

"Ren!" she sighed in relief. "I'm so glad to see you still alive. Sorry about that, can't be too careful on a night like tonight."

"Don't worry about it, I understand completely. I'm glad I ran into you; that creature is unlike anything I've ever seen before."

"There's nothing like it," Ruby agreed grimly. She glanced around and nodded for Ren to follow her as she moved past him. There was a chance the monster heard their shouts, so they needed to keep moving. As they walked Ruby said, "Have you seen anyone else?"

"No, and I doubt we'll run into any of them at this point."

"Yeah, I figured. Had I known this was going to happen I would have warned you all. It's been a long time since I've seen the monster."

"This isn't the first time it's been unleashed then?" Ren asked. "What do we need to do to survive?"

"Keep moving, make as little noise as possible, and pray to any gods you think will take pity on you. There's not much else you can do."

"Maybe not entirely true." Ruby gave him a confused look, and Ren explained, "I was thinking of making my way to the CCT Tower and boarding myself up in one of the higher floors. I know a code that'll jam the elevator and keep it from moving."

Ruby mulled it over for a moment as they walked. "It's not the worst idea I can think of. Lead the way."

"Just take a right up here," he instructed. Ruby did so, leading the way with 'weapon' held high. She was actually kind of looking forward to hunkering down somewhere relatively safe. It was nerve wracking creeping through the long hallways of Beacon, there wasn't enough room to properly squeeze past people if the monster caught up to them-

**SLAM!**

Ruby jumped nearly twice her height into the air and whirled around to find the hall double doors shut behind her. A second later she heard the thunk of their locks being set in place.

She rushed to the doors and pushed, but they wouldn't budge. She frantically tapped on the door and said, "Ren, what's happened? Are you okay, is something wrong?"

Ren's muffled voice filtered through the door to her. "I… I'm sorry, Ruby. I had to do this. It was the only way she'd let me go!"

A long _creeeeeeaaaaaak_ sounded at the other end of the hallway, and Ruby's heart plummeted.

With subtly having long since gone out the window Ruby banged and pushed on the door with all her might. "Ren! Ren! Open the door! We can still escape! Don't leave me like this!"

She wanted to say she couldn't believe her friend would leave her to the clutches of the beast like this, but that would have been a lie. In a dire situation like this, loyalties and bonds were tested,often breaking under the strain.

Besides, she knew better than anyone else fear could drive people to do irrational, sometimes awful things.

The slow, methodical tapping of boots upon the floor gradually grew closer, and in her panic Ruby bodily threw herself against the door in the hopes of forcing it open. But it would not yield. Ruby was trapped like a rat in a cage.

The footsteps halted. "**Ruby."**

Eye wide and face pale, Ruby slowly turned around. She didn't even hold out hope it would be something else. It was the monster, pitch black hair and glowing red eyes and all.

With startling speed the spoon was snatched out of her hands. The monster snapped it in two, which wasn't all that impressive considering even normal people could do that, but in Ruby's terrified state rationality provided no boon. The monster tossed both pieces aside before stalking up to Ruby and grabbing the smaller girl by the scruff of the neck, easily hauling her into the air.

"**You know my rule**," the monster growled. "**No hair. Never the hair. Not me, not anyone else, not at all. One simple rule. **_**And you broke it.**_"

"I-it wasn't supposed to be you!" Ruby blathered. "It was just a little joke for Weiss, things weren't supposed to turn out-"

The monster slammed Ruby against the doors, shutting her up with a pained gasp.

"**The time for apologies has long since been done. Now… it is time for revenge."**

Using one hand to keep Ruby pinned, the monster to pull something out of her pack. Ruby gasped in fear at the sight of it, knowing it to be an object of only the purest torture.

"Nonononononononono!" she panicked, legs kicking wildly. "Please, anything but that! I'm sorry, Yang, I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again! Please let me go!"

"**This is what you deserve,**" said the monster. "**You sealed you fate, Ruby, and there is no escaping from it.**"

Ruby could do nothing more than scream as the sickly green weapon descended toward her face.

The suddenly she and the monster were falling backward, the doors having been opened again. They landed in a tangle of limbs, and they looked up to see the person who had ruined the monster's moment of retribution.

It was Deputy Headmistress Glynda Goodwitch, with a cross look on her face. She had Ren by the ear in one hand, the boy wincing with discomfort, and behind her they saw a red-faced Pyrrha and an oddly shirtless Jaune.

"Miss Xiao Long, Miss Rose," the woman greeted sternly. "I believe it's time we had a talk."

* * *

Miss Goodwitch sat at her desk, rubbing her temples in hopes of staving off the migraine trying to worm its way into her skull. She regarded the eight teenagers sitting before her in her office, entirely unsurprised it was this group to cause her such consternation.

"For the sake of my sanity, let me see if I have the order of events correct," said the teacher. "You felt Miss Schnee hampered your plans for going into the city for Halloween tonight, and you decided it was an entirely justifiable reaction to douse her hair with black dye."

"That is correct, ma'am," Ruby answered quietly, staring at the floor.

"But since all of your plans always turn out terribly, you instead ended up dying Miss Xiao Long's hair, who felt it was an appropriate response to smash Miss Valkyrie's head through a watermelon into the table and render her unconscious."

"That's right!" Nora said with a smile, only half paying attention because she was still picking bits of water melon out of her hair and sucking them off her fingers.

"Rather than attempt to talk out the situation calmly, everyone then fled the scene; even Miss Schnee, who ran out into the Grimm infested Emerald Forest without so much as a weapon."

The heiress only nodded, wincing with the action. She held an ice pack over the newly formed lump on the side of her head.

"Contrary to what she believed, Miss Xiao Long actually only wanted to assure her she wasn't at fault. But then you found her screaming and running rather small circles in the forest, and decided the best course of action was to knock her unconscious as well with a tree branch."

"It was for her own good," Yang replied with a shrug.

Miss Goodwitch rolled her eyes, not agreeing with the blonde's assessment but not exactly faulting it either. "So then you carried Miss Schnee back to your dorm room, whereupon you found Miss Belladonna, quote, 'getting blitzed out of her mind on fish food.'"

"I don't have a problem," the Faunus quickly muttered.

"And then out of anger you force fed her a carrot, of all things."

"I mean it all started in the kitchen, I just figured I'd use whatever what was within reach," Yang explained.

"It was around this time I myself happened upon Miss Nikos and Mr. Arc performing rather… _uncouth_ acts in a janitorial closet." She turned a glare on the two teenagers, one of whom was still shirtless due to his clothes being shredded. Neither had the heart to meet the teacher's eyes, or anyone else's for that matter.

"At the same time Yang tracked down Mr. Ren, who agreed to sell out his friends in return for his own safety."

"There were extenuating circumstances," the dark haired boy said glumly. No one missed the way Miss Rose lightly kicked his shin.

"This of course led to the final confrontation between the Rose/Xiao Long siblings, which I intruded upon in time to witness Miss Xiao Long attempting to force feed her sister a head of broccoli."

Miss Rose practically went as green as the food, while Miss Xiao Long lounged in her seat, finding no fault in her own actions.

Glynda heaved a long, tired sigh. "Alright then. Detention for everyone, two weeks."

The eight students bemoaned the news but made no move to try and dissuade the teacher's ruling. They knew full well they only had themselves to blame.

"I know you all don't want to drag this out as much as I do so I'll just run through the points I have to make quickly." Goodwitch pointed her riding crop toward Weiss first. "Miss Schnee, it is admirable of you to make sacrifices for your family and career, but you should not expect others to do the same on your behalf. You should have informed your class mates they would have been fine to go on ahead if you envisioned your call taking a while.

"Miss Valkyrie, please find more constructive ways to inform others of when you have a problem with them, primarily ways that do not involve damaging their person no matter how minor it might be. Miss Xiao Long, you have long since been enrolled in our anger management courses, so at the very least you'll have an interesting story for next week's meeting.

"Miss Belladonna, you'll be having your personal food privileges rescinded until such a time you can prove pasteurized fish doesn't have such a hold over you. Mr. Ren, you and I will be having a long discussion about maintaining loyalty and bonds with the people you're supposed to entrust your life to. Miss Nikos and Mr. Arc, I assume you've both received sexual education classes long before this, but so help me if I hear about your two being caught in another school facility I will not hesitate to make you sit through them again.

"And Miss Rose…" Glynda tapped her nails on the desk as she thought of a specific lesson to impart on the youngest girl in their group. She'd kind of covered everything already when going through the others. "Just try to better be a voice of reason should something like this crop up again. Now then, are there any objections?" The teenagers shook their heads. "Excellent, you are free to return to your dorms for the evening."

Like inmates on death row the students shuffled out of the Headmistress' office. Ruby was to be the last one out, but she paused at the door and looked back to the teacher. "I was just wondering one thing: why were all the lights in the hall way out?"

Miss Goodwitch rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Ozpin likes to cut most of the power whenever he thinks most of the staff and student body wouldn't be around, with little consideration for anyone who still is. He can be cheap like that sometimes."

Ruby nodded in complete understanding and closed the door behind her. In the hallway she found her friends lingering, with Yang and Weiss on one while side while the rest were on the other. Yang had her arms crossed and was still glaring daggers at the perpetrators, who in turn had their heads hung low. Jaune in particular still had his hands over his man nips to ward off the cool air of the evening.

Pyrrha took a step forward and tried, "Look, Yang, we really are sorry-"

"No hair!" the former blonde cut off, jabbing a finger at them all. "Pranks are all well and good, I was even planning on stashing my sweaty gym socks in Weiss' pillow. But you _never_ go after a person's hair, no matter who they are or what they've done. That's a line that shouldn't ever be crossed, and I trust you'll all remember that now, right?"

They all quickly nodded.

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go wash this gunk out of my hair. And so help me if I still look like an idiot tomorrow morning there will be Hell to pay!" With that Yang stormed off, leaving the others behind.

"So… you actually grew up with that?" Jaune asked Ruby, pointing a wary finger toward her sister.

"Yup. All things considered we actually got off pretty lightly. One time a boy back at Signal cut off a small piece of Yang's hair, and he ended up being admitted to a mental institution for a few months. She still occasionally sends him letters just to make sure he never truly lets his guard down."

"Well I didn't get off lightly!" Weiss complained. "I got whacked in the head! And Pyrrha got stuck with Arc as a boyfriend! Those things are equally awful!"

"Y-yes, so awful," Pyrrha echoed, her voice strangely labored. With a distinct lack of subtly she grabbed both Jaune's arm and lower waist, slowly inching them away from the rest. "Jaune and I will have to reflect on how unfortunate we are. In our room. By ourselves. For roughly thirty to forty five minutes. With the radio set to max volume."

As they watched the new couple all but sprint away Nora said, "I'd wager they're both going to be getting off pretty hard, ivyaknowwaddamean!" She then proceeded to repeatedly elbow Ren in the side, going 'Eh? Eh? Eh?'

He turned to Team RWBY with sad, tired eyes. "Mind if we bunk with you guys for the night?"

"You left me to die," Ruby reminded him. "Screw off."

"I still don't know why you guys think I eat too much seafood," said Blake, already reaching for the emergency can of tuna she kept in her boot.

* * *

_AN: Credits to my good friend Spooky Noodle for coming up with the witty title!_


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